Being Feminists in a Patriarchal Culture

Hi everyone, we are coming up on 6 months of married life and so far so good!  Sometimes, I feel like we have have been married for longer and when people ask how married life has been I think to myself…the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Today I wanted to talk about a special topic that I have been made acutely aware of since joining Nelli’s family and the interracial community…I’ve always known I was different because of my race(s) and religion but since being married; the values and practices that me and Nelli followed since the beginning of our relationship became more apparent.

I had originally written the title as “Being A Feminist in a Patriarchal Culture” but the more I wrote about my experiences, the more I realized that both me and Nelli are feminists.  Nelli is the type of person that says “Hey, I’m going to this women’s march, wanna come with me?” or “Let’s go to this Black Lives Matter Vigil.” Our ideals start at home but we make every effort to not let them stop there.  I am truly lucky to be married to such a progressive loving husband 🙂

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Features + Wedding Video

Happy Sunday everyone!

I just wanted to quickly share our wedding video that we received a couple weeks ago…I absolutely love it!  Looking back, it was definitely funny when me and Nelli were working with Fusion Moments on the video.  We really struggled to choose a song that represented US – we both wanted something unique but he wanted something Indian inspired and I wanted something representing my African American culture.  Not only did we deal with that difference of opinion but we could only choose from a limited song bank our videographers provided.  In the end, after much tribulation (not really…hehe) we decided on two songs (thanks to our gracious vendor).  Me and my Dad actually danced to the first song and for those who might not know, Nelli is a big Deepika Padukone fanboy…hence the second song!  I was kind of sad that none of our Sangeet footage made it in but we have an entirely separate video of that night.  Hope you guys enjoy…let me know what you think 🙂

I am also including two website links that featured our wedding and they have some fabulous photos thanks to Nathalie Cheng.  One is Seventh Heaven Vintage which is a vendor that we used for our specialty furniture and the other is 100 layer cake.  100 layer cake is a top 5 wedding website so it was such an honor for them to share the beautiful work completed by my  wedding planner (Jessica) and wonderful vendors.  Please enjoy and have a great rest of your weekend!

http://blog.seventhheavenvintage.com/?p=6569

http://www.100layercake.com/real-weddings/romantic-san-francisco-multi-cultural-garden-wedding/

 

 

Black + Indian Ceremony Script

Hi everyone, a couple of people have asked me how I blended both cultures into one ceremony. A lot of fusion weddings have two different ceremonies on different days or the same day but as I touched on with previous posts, we decided to have one ceremony with our immediate family as the officiants.  Since we didn’t have the expertise of religious officiants to give us the scripts we made our own ceremony which made it even extra special.  We researched a lot of things on the internet and took SOME (keyword) advice from our close friends/family.  Thank you Google for allowing us to get married haha! And now to pay it forward for other engaged couples, we are happily giving you our ceremony online for you to hopefully enjoy along with some explanations, thought processes, challenges etc.

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30 days post our Wedding – Pt. 3

Apparently, there is a word limit on posts so here is Part 3 of my crazy Black/Indian/Filipino wedding weekend.  1 month down…a lifetime to go!

Saturday Recap (Wedding Day!)

We woke up around 8am again for hair and makeup.  All the immediate lady family members went first so I had some more “me time” to relax and write my vows.  I finished my hair, makeup and getting dressed around 1pm and I absolutely loved the way I looked – especially the fresh jasmine in my hair which smelled so good.  I didn’t have too much time to admire myself because I was running an hour late in terms of being at the venue (why I could never be on time for things, I’ll never know!). Once we arrived, I don’t think I caught my breath until the wedding was over – My photographer immediately swept me away for pictures most of the time,  I was busy prepping the jasmine garlands for the baraat, finalizing the song changes with the DJ, writing my vows on a piece of paper and then before I knew it I was walking down the aisle haha.

I can’t even imagine all the details that Jessica my amazing wedding planner made sure happened prior to the wedding start but I’m sure it was 10x what I did so I would have been super lost without her.  The favorite part of our ceremony was reading my vows – I tried not to cry but I couldn’t help it, I even heard multiple sniffles from the crowd.  Even though the ceremony felt 30 minutes long, it was so memorable! Even the little teeny hiccups I am still smiling about like how the garlands were still in the fridge, or how my sister kept adjusting my veil everytime Nelli put something around my neck or how my vows were considerably longer than Nelli’s or how or when my brother almost got burned from moving the fire holder.  I just hope that when we get our wedding pictures I don’t look like a snotty mess from all the crying I did – it truly was a beautiful ceremony merging all our traditions and everybody else thought so too 🙂Read More »

100 Days till our Wedding! – Pt. 1

Wow….I can’t believe we are exactly 100 days till our wedding…we are entering the double digit countdown ahhh!!  It seems like it was just last April when we got engaged and we thought we had all the time in the world.  This past year or so, wedding planning has taught me so much about myself, Nelli, and how we work together as a team.  It’s been challenging and stressful to plan a wedding (ESPECIALLY a multicultural one) and I didn’t get it before but now I do.  Some of the key decisions that we made for our wedding are:

  1. What’s the definition of FUSION – We wanted ONE ceremony.  This was really important to me and Nelli.  A lot of fusion weddings have 2 ceremonies to celebrate each culture.  I really like that idea and think it’s a good way to incorporate everything but for me personally, it didn’t speak to me.   It was important to me to show our close friends and family that we are committed to blending our cultures in our marriage and we were going to showcase that through one ceremony.  We got a lot of doubters and I myself am working tirelessly to ensure that the ceremony script is seamless but I have a great feeling that it will turn out beautifully.  I think it’s also nice to have one ceremony, because we will be hand pick a few traditions that mean the most to us and have a significant message that we believe in.  I also love the fact that me and Nelli are working together to develop a script from scratch so it will truly be unique and represent who we are and what our union represents.  Lastly, the officiants will be family members and not priests or pastors and I think this is a great idea to make the overall ceremony more personal.

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The road to a BLINDIAN marriage

 

Hi everyone, I just had an amazing experience with my husband and my new friend Aman Kaur.  WE DID A PODCAST EPISODE!  Actually 2!  Nelli and I talked about our experience as a Blindian couple and I’m so glad we got the opportunity.  I am a really big fan of this podcast because it features people that are in interracial Indian marriages! How lovely.  I’ve listened to each episode and it’s so awesome to relate to people and hear how they went through the challenges and joys of being married to an Indian!  Please listen to our episodes below and let me know what you think.  The episode will open in a new window so you don’t need anything else (tech wise) to listen.  Also, click the source to go to  Aman’s website to listen to other amazing stories.

Podcast episode (Part 1)

Podcast episode (Part 2)

Source: Moving forward and on Francesca & Raghav Part 2 – IIM027 | Indian Interracial Marriages Podcast

2nd trip to India – Hubby’s Hometown

I have a travel rule that I never visit the same country twice (except for Costa Rica).  There are a total of 196 countries in the world and I average 2-4 country visits a year.  At this point…well you do the math…I will need to find the fountain of youth in order to accomplish my goal.

However, even if your home is 24 hours away you can’t help but go there yearly or every other year in the case of Nelli who’s hometown is in Manipal India.  I wasn’t really excited to go because we had just been there the year before and because of my on-going issues with his Mom.  In addition, my first trip to India was good but some aspects had turned me off…has there been a country that you didn’t love or is that an ungrateful or rude thing to say?  Each country brings an experience and I know I shouldn’t put my particular one experience as a view of the entire country but I just can’t help the feeling that India isn’t my dream land.  Nelli really wanted me to visit his hometown though so on the account that we would be visiting Sri Lanka as well I agreed to go.

There were a couple of roadblocks en route to going to India.  One is I learned at the last minute that we wouldn’t be traveling to Hampi.  Hampi is probably the most historic and well known tourist site in Karnataka.  I really wanted to take a day trip here but Nelli wanted to prioritize staying as much time at home so I was really bummed about that.Read More »